Ramblings from a Troubled Past
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Crossroads: A look back at the mind from 3 years ago.
A moment in time fleeting down towards the drain as the pain subsides. The memories locked in your mind as time starts to heal, but you never forget. Love doesn't just disappear. Love has to be dragged down main street and shot in front of everyone to finally die. Love is like a witch, you can not suffer it to live. Lost love can leave holes like Diglett through your soul. The feeling eats away at your very self till you don't even recognize yourself. When you reach bottom, you would think that love would turn to hate, but that thin line is surprisingly hard to cross when you truly care or if the love was cut off prematurely. Don't wait for them to see how amazing you are, just find someone who wants to be in your life; who can see your awesome from the start. True beauty fades, but true love can be revived from even the darkest corners. You just have to risk it all to reap the rewards you want, but it doesn't mean you should forget the love you had, but reevaluate. Do they need you in the way you need them? Do you even need them? In course of time we can choose to feel or we can choose to shut it all out. You can just escape into the safety of our own minds, but the mind is a lonely place, even when crowded. You can always change your stars.
Hope: Ramblings of the mind from long ago
Hope springs forth like love eternal, ever growing and ever present. One can not be had without the other, both grow in light and dark. They are things no one can take from you, like faith. To have all these things make you realize you are never alone. We are surrounded by people. Our humanity, which is based on such ideals, will always appear in our darkest of days. You may not know your neighbors, but when the power goes out on your block due to a hurricane, you can bet you will quickly learn all sorts of things about them. Why is this? Because our humanity is something hardwired into us. When times get rough, it is that camaraderie that joins us in one voice to go against any obstacle. Caring is not a waste of time It costs nothing to be nice, even holding a door or smiling at a stranger. The tiniest of gestures can change the world, one person at a time. Take time to care about your fellow man and you can be the change that you wish to see in the world. One stone in a lake can cause such a large ripple when thrown. Open your eyes, think of how someone else may feel. When we focus only on ourselves we lose out on the high of helping others. There are billions of people on Earth and the most commonly used word is "I". Stop, think, care, and we can help spread love throughout the world. Remember, even when angry, someone else may have a worse battle going on. Pay attention to how people help you, even in a bad mood. Even if it's a simple sorry for having a bad day. Such minuscule words are hard when you are angry, but that is love, that is humanity. Put others before yourself. Love one another.
Reflected from within
Girl in the mirror, I know you not. You stare at me, criticizing my weight, outfit, my everything, and I stand there as you break me down. You find my cracks, my weaknesses, and explode them into the harsh lights that frame your cruel face; those bright orbs not hitting your dark eyes.
Stop staring at me.
Don't you think I'm sick of hearing these comments that weigh my mind every time I don't fit in my jeans or my new romper; every time girls tell me how they are hit on when I have never really have been? I'm average, a four, or six at the most. Something I don't need help knowing is fact.
So stop staring.
It's rude to stare. What do you want from me? Can't you see I'm trying to be happy?
Torment someone else!
Just stop staring...
Stop staring at me.
Don't you think I'm sick of hearing these comments that weigh my mind every time I don't fit in my jeans or my new romper; every time girls tell me how they are hit on when I have never really have been? I'm average, a four, or six at the most. Something I don't need help knowing is fact.
So stop staring.
It's rude to stare. What do you want from me? Can't you see I'm trying to be happy?
Torment someone else!
Just stop staring...
Love: A Letter From A Romantic Cynic
Love. Such a simple construction for a word that can cause endless amounts of happiness as well as an endless ocean of pain. Love. Four letters that shouldn't be waved around; that shouldn't be said if doubts are present. False love destroys so much more than just the two hearts involved, but also the friendships and bridges to the complete world you built with the other. Love. Terror and anxiety come from the doubts and insecurities that love brings. You can love more than one person or believe that in the billions, someone was specially crafted to match the soul within one other person. People do crazy things when they are in love. Love makes people go to crazy lengths: moving, changing everything from hair to habits, or the people we allow in our lives. Some love lasts through the harsh strain of time; while others burn hard and fast before their fiery destruction or the agonizingly slow fizzle out into nothingness. So is love worth the risk? That toxic happiness felt in the rush of love as it slowly kills us? Should we cage love away? Protect the heart within or keep love form hurting others? "To love and to have lost is better than never loving at all." How many times must love break the heart before the heart is demolished? Trying to repair the heart requires time or other's love. The heart, inevitably, gets knocked to the ground bloody and broken. Does it fight to get back up? How many times before it isn't worth the effort? If hope feeds love over and over is it like the Olympian who refuses to stay down and finishes the race in lieu of losing? Or is it a fool, like the one Daisy hopes her daughter is in The Great Gatsby? Love is a drug. It can cause a life altering addiction that can never fully disappear no matter the detox. Once the high is over and all that's left is ash and dust, the withdrawals begin. That pain can cause sudden sense of clarity. Hindsight causes signs to show, but the cruelty of love makes the once rose tinted glass turn red like the bleeding heart. Through tear streaked glass the ceiling mocks the heart for the love it let in. The brain attacks itself. We can not describe loss, only feel it. So grab the dustpan and take the ashes of love, mix them up, and create paste to fill the cracks in the heart. The past hurt solidifies the heart to create strength as it also allows weak spots to form. If love is felt and removed, but then returns, should it be trusted? Should the heart allow the love that once destroyed it, back in? The heart uses love like the drug it is, ignoring the physicians warning. Love. Four letters: countless hours of tears, pain, and insecurities. Four letters that make the soul soar before sending it plummeting to the ground. Love.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
the feeling within
Did anyone notice? Would anyone cry? Those are the questions as i lay down to die.
The knife slowly cutting the blood flowing out the tears start their pooling as I silently shout All of the hopes and all of the dreams seem to leak out as the blood slowly streams
The room starts to spin and begins to turn black the sure sign of knowing I'm not coming back
And so here I lay, on a borrowed makeshift bed. Sorry doesn't matter once you are dead
I'm sorry for weakness and not being enough please bury me and all of my stuff.
The knife slowly cutting the blood flowing out the tears start their pooling as I silently shout All of the hopes and all of the dreams seem to leak out as the blood slowly streams
The room starts to spin and begins to turn black the sure sign of knowing I'm not coming back
And so here I lay, on a borrowed makeshift bed. Sorry doesn't matter once you are dead
I'm sorry for weakness and not being enough please bury me and all of my stuff.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Twas the night before finals
So instead of studying I give you my thoughts.
Twas the night before finals and all through the land, not a student was sleeping, high grades in demand. The computers they whirred with their screens all aglow as fingers, they danced, on the keyboards, just so.
The students were at desks, or even on beds, As visions of A's danced in their heads. The google results were pressed with a tap, As the coffee was drunk for just one more lap.
When up from the roof there came a loud clatter when one student lept from a very tall ladder. Programs in windows, they flew like a flash. As the t's and the i's were signed with a dash.
Tested on limits of what they all know. Hoping the answers were written below. Those answers they hoped would soon appear. So during the break there'd be no need to fear.
They moved through the night, so lively and quick. Trying hard to beat the clock's deadly tick. More rapid than eagles through courses they came, Finding dates and people and places by name.
Government, History and even Biology, Math, Language, and also Psychology. From corner to corner and down the hall, Study it, study it, study it all
With questions to teachers that need quick reply. They waited and searched and cried to the sky. To learn more than they already knew. Fighting the call of sleep through it too.
And then in the silence came a loud yawn as sprinklers could be heard from out on the lawn, Still wandering through the sites all around. Before quickly realizing the answer was found.
They copied and pasted, saving the note. In journals and word pad they all quickly wrote. The answers still outweighed all of the lacks. So They all got more paper from out of their packs.
The clock rolled on with it's terrible ticking. They all were hoping that the info was sticking. The draw of their facebooks started to call and they fought hard but knew they soon would all fall.
Pencils with bump marks from all of the teeth. Pizza strewn with textbooks hidden right underneath. The keys clacking going as fast as they could. Most students not saving as oft as they should.
Knowledge was flowing, creating quite a large wealth, as students studied topics like music and health. Filling their minds with such a large dread As hair was pulled right out of their head.
They spoke not a word as they were engulfed in their work. One student hoped her teacher wasn't a jerk. Laying their heads in final goodbyes, they closed their laptops and then their eyes.
The sun quickly rose, to early for some. As they said "Now, let this day come" They rushed to their classes and took all their tests. Happy Christmas to all now I need to rest.
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